I came back from Haiti to a different and unwelcome reality. Elaine Hartnett, our upper school assistant principal who had been battling throat cancer for two years, had been rushed to the hospital in Delaware and was in dire straits. Though she knew she was dying and had little time, she had journeyed with her husband to the family beach house in Bethany because it was there that she found comfort and peace--it was home. She continued to struggle these last days and on last Tuesday evening she passed from this life to the next.
To say she will be missed does not capture the void created by her passing among her family, friends, and the community of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel. She had a big personality, a passion for all she did, a great love for young people and a fiercely competitive spirit. These traits combined into the perfect person to deal with teens on a regular basis. Our students loved her, respected her and were inspired by her.
I love to remember best the early years we shared. She joined us in 2000 as the new century began after leaving a job in post-secondary education. She said she wanted a job where she could form relationships with young people. She felt that college kids did not connect in the same way as those a little younger. Did I have the job for her! It took me three dinners, lots of cajoling, and the promise of summers at the beach to convince her to join our Carmel venture. Once she agreed to be our assistant principal, she plunged into the job full force. During those pre-recession years, the school was growing in enrollment, initiating new curriculumm, and sending an increasing number of kids to college. Elaine was often the force that enabled them to get to that point. Her office provided solace for the many needs of our students. With her background in counseling, she was able to provide guidance and a kleenex for many broken hearted youngsters when their hearts were broken for the first time. She gave out countless--and generally ugly--ties to young men who found themselves in a uniform crisis. She gave good advice to kids who needed a confidence boost as well as space to those who just neeeded to vent. She was the queen of "Let's make a Deal" and often bargained kids into changing bad habits, improving their attitude or just following the rules they did not like. She was an expert at teasing kids into goodness and the most notable noise that came from her office was laughter. She was not only a lover of life, she was a lover of kids and they could tell.
She was the ultimate fan attending lots of school sporting events. She knew the rules of the games and was challenging when kids gave up too easily. She expected them to be tough, use their skills and never give up on themselves. This competitive nature of hers showed up in all kinds of ways. Everything could be transformed into a competition--who could lose weight the fastest? who could get grades done first? who could make a quilt? It was a joke in her family that a minor war could break out over a game of cards or the placement of a letter in a Scrabble competition. It was this competitive nature, I think, that kept her fighting so long in her illness. She did not doubt that she could get better and fought to do so. I thought she would win too....
We will celebrate her life on Monday at her funeral Mass. I know that there will be an overflowing church with many young adults whose hearts she touched as they grew up in our school. I know there will be faculty and friends as well as many family members. Perhaps all of those people are the "points" that Elaine earned in the game of life. Each one of us was "earned" with a kind word, wise advice, a challenge or a smile. There is no comfort in attempting to figure out why suffering happens to good people or why someone so young and healthy gets such a terrible illness. It just has to be given up as a mystery. It is good, though, to think about what it takes to make ones' life well lived. For Elaine, it was passion for all that she loved--people, kids, the beach, her family, and life itself. She did not "go gentle" and she fought her best to stay. In the end, that was not to be. In the end, we are left with our memories of her--and good they are. We are also left with the example she gave and the standard she set of what it takes to live a life that is worthy of the great gift that it is. She has told us through her example--Live with passion. Live with love. Live with laughter. Do not settle for second best. Be your best.
We will remember Elaine Hartnett in our hearts and maybe we can honor her by living with the energy, spirit, and passion she exemplified. We have to try.
So, goodbye,dear friend...you will be missed.
Friday, August 3, 2012
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